- Author’s Note – Astute readers will notice that the below is in First Person narration, while Chapters 1 and 2 are in Third Person. This isn’t a mistake, I have decided to switch the narration style, as I feel this one presents better for this story. I will eventually revise chapters 1 and 2 as such.
- Author’s Second Note – The below is considered “Draft” quality. It has been written, but not reviewed for spelling mistakes etc. I have limited time at present, but know there are reader’s out there that would be willing to overlook small mistakes in order to see more of the story.
Chapter 3 – Casey:
I sighed, trying once again to focus my attention on the notes in front of me. Class had ended ten minutes ago, and I still hadn’t left the room, hoping to compose the scattered information that I’d barely managed to catch during the lecture.
Ok, in reality, I was trying to get my brain to stop spinning in circles, but I was using pretending to compose my notes as an excuse to do so.
By any objective measure, I was in a great place in my life. I was doing well in school, which meant my life was on track, and I was in a good relationship with a guy that I genuinely enjoyed being with. Overall, I was nailing this whole life thing.
I shifted slightly, and a soreness between my legs reminded me of another sort of nailing that had happened recently.
Yesterday, with Erik, had been incredible. I don’t think I’ve ever even imagined having that passionate of sex with somebody. I sure as heck hadn’t come close in reality. There was just something about being with him, while wearing a sexy outfit, that just clicked. I’d never been big on clothes, but the image of myself in that tight, revealing outfit, with him on top of me, sliding inside, just wouldn’t get out of my mind.
Shaking my head, I tried to clear my thoughts. I needed to focus, not think about the mind shattering sex I’d had the day before. Of course, the more I tried not to think about it, the more it crept into my mind. Unconsciously, my left hand came up and rubbed against the coarse fabric of the sweater I was wearing.
My current clothes. That was the other thing that was bothering me. What I was wearing right now wasn’t really my style, but that alone wasn’t a big deal. I’d worn clothing that wasn’t me before, either because my parents, or school, or something else demanded it. That was no big deal. It wasn’t the clothes themselves that were bothering me, instead it was the way I’d reacted when Erik told me to wear them.
And he hadn’t asked, he’d told me. And like a puppy, I’d been happy and eager to do so. It was so weird. He’d just pulled out a shirt, told me to put it on, and I had.
I hated when people told me what to do. If he’d asked, that would be one thing, but he’d just told me to. And I did. With a smile on my face and everything.
What’s even weirder is that every time I replayed the scene in my mind, of practically presenting myself to him once I was dressed, I would remember him complimenting the outfit, and I’d feel warm, and giddy, and I’d look forward to when I’d get to see Erik again, and I hoped he’d compliment me on the outfit again.
It was almost like I was happy to have been told what to wear.
Of course, then again, Erik had asked me to spice up our sex life with costumes before, and I’d refused, until yesterday. And I saw how finally giving in on that front turned out. So maybe he had some magic touch when it came to picking outfits? Maybe I’ve been dressing wrong the whole time? I sure as heck didn’t feel this way about any of the other stuff I’d worn around him before, and the sex, while good, wasn’t exactly mind blowing.
Plus, shouldn’t a girl want to look good for her boyfriend? Wasn’t it a good thing that he’d complimented my outfit? Wasn’t it a good thing that he wanted me, and desired me? He’d wanted me before, of course, but now it was clear that he wanted me wanted me, so maybe dressing a little nicer could lead to a lot more fun. Stuff like what I was wearing now to tease, and then something a little more sexy slutty for when it was time to get down and dirty.
Granted, the last thing I needed was more distracting horny thoughts. When I thought of seeing Erik later, wearing what he’d told me to wear, I felt strangely giddy and happy. I imagined myself standing in front of him, smiling, him commenting on how nice I looked, and everything in that mental picture just felt right. However, it didn’t take much to let me thoughts wander back to yesterday, and the mental images would change to something a bit less wholesome. Suddenly, I was on my back, Erik’s hands on my sweater, the collar of my shirt pushed into my neck as he slid into me.
God damnit Casey, get a hold of yourself!
I took another deep breath, and focused on the material in front of me, hoping that maybe this time I could end the loop, and keep my mind from once again wandering to the soreness between my legs, and thoughts of Erik, pressing me down into the bed, his hands on my shoulders.
Please, God, send me anything to distract myself from all this.
A voice called out from behind me, “Oh, uh, hey Casey, I didn’t expect to find you in here.”
Ok, I didn’t mean literally anything.
I wish I could say that Elliot was a run-of-the-mill creep, but he wasn’t. That’s actually part of what made dealing with him so difficult. If he was just a sleaze ball, I could tell him off every time I saw him, and I wouldn’t feel bad for a second. However, Elliot seemed like a nice enough guy, he just wasn’t my type, in the slightest.
I’d tried to make this clear, multiple times, without hurting his feelings, but he didn’t seem to get the message. Somehow, he’d gotten it into his head that all it would take to win me over was to be around until some magical moment came around, and then he’d win me over forever.
Thank you romantic comedies.
It wasn’t uncommon for him to bump into me after this class, out in the hallway. It’s possible that we just had schedules that aligned, but it happened a little too often to be a total coincidence, including if I left class a couple minutes late, which meant he was probably waiting for me. Normally, he’d just give a wave and a smile, but I could tell he wanted something more.
Even if I was interested in him, he could at least start up a conversation or something. No girl on the planet would go for his approach.
“Hey Elliot.” I paused, trying to think of how to not hurt his feelings. I didn’t want to be a bitch. My mind, however, was not in a good place for careful operations when it came to emotions and people.
“I, um, was getting worried when I didn’t see you.”
“Yeah. I had to stay after to wrap something up.”
“Oh. That makes sense.” He paused, seemingly debating with himself. I knew it was only a moment but it felt longer. “You look nice. Different.”
I growled a little inwardly. I was wearing this for my boyfriend, not him.
“Yeah, just trying something new.” I put down my pencil, deciding that no more would get done, both because of my spinning thoughts and even more so with Elliot here now.
“I’m afraid I need to get going.” Giving him only a momentary glance, I reached down and grabbed my bag, putting it up on the table.
He paused a moment, and then said, “I was wondering if maybe you might be free later to do something?” The words came out at an odd speed. Fast and slow at an irregular, nervous cadence.
I knew it was just his nerves, but it made it sound creepy. I had to remind myself that he was just trying to figure out his place in the world, same as the rest of us.
“Look Elliot,” I said, sighing, “I’m probably going to be busy all day. I don’t have a lot of free time.”
The statements were true, I didn’t have a lot of free time. Between class, studying, and, you know, my current boyfriend.
I looked at Elliot, and his shoulders slumped, dejected, and I felt bad for him. I felt guilty that I didn’t make time to hang out with him, but I also knew that if I did, he’d take it the wrong way.
Sometimes, I wished Elliot was a creep, so I could just tell him off and not feel bad. Sometimes, I wished I was a bitch, so I could do the same. Two routes to the same goal, but neither of them very appealing.
“Oh. Ok. Well, if you ever have time, let me know.”
I was about to open my mouth to try and politely decline, and not lead him on, when we were interrupted by another familiar voice.
“Look, creep, she’s made it clear she isn’t interested in you, so maybe you should make yourself scarce?”
Elliot’s eyes bugged, and he turned to look at Stacey, my best friend since forever. She was giving him a stern look, annoyance clearly on her face, and she made shooing motions toward the door.
“Pervert Detected.” The girl standing behind Stacey chimed in, twisting her fingers into a square shape and pointing them at Elliot, almost like she was framing a shot with a camera.
The girl was Laura, a recent addition to our friendship, but a great one. Laura was, however, a little weird. In a good way.
I remembered that I’d made plans to meet up with them for lunch. Among everything else on my mind, it had just slipped. The two of them must have come looking for me when I didn’t show up. Since they knew where my classroom was, finding me was easy.
“Sorry.” Elliot stammered out, and moved towards the door.
“Amscray!” Stacey shouted after him, watching him leave.
“You didn’t have to be quite so mean about it.” I chastised Stacey once Elliot was gone, but there wasn’t much enthusiasm behind the words. I was mostly just relieved that he was gone. I had a million things on my mind and didn’t need him to be one of them.
Stacey wasn’t a bitch, despite my earlier criteria. She was actually nice, and friendly, and chill. But she was also protective of her friends, and she could tell that he was upsetting me, and that got her angry.
Stacey and Laura and walked over toward me, Stacey showing concern on her face, while Laura’s was her usual unreadable expression.
“You have to be firm with guys like that, or the never get the message.” Stacey said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “You don’t want them to think you’re leading them on in the slightest or they just keep coming back.”
I nodded. She was right of course, but knowing it was best didn’t make it feel any less mean. We’d both had trouble with clingy guys who didn’t get the hint in the past, and it was very different being the one two has to give the hard news when you were the subject of honest affection. Had Elliot been targeting Stacey, she probably would have had just as hard a time as I was, and I’d be the one chasing him off. Although I’d probably be a bit nicer about it. But only a bit. I could be protective of my friends too.
“This is new.” Laura said, this time framing me with her finger camera.
As I’d suspected, she’d wasted no time in pointing out the oddity of my outfit. Stacey had almost certainly noticed it, but at least she would have felt it necessary to find some way to bring it up during conversation. Laura tended to jump straight to the point. She was an odd one, but she was a nice person overall. She didn’t point things out to be mean, although I knew a few people took it that way.
“Yeah, this isn’t really your usual fare.” Stacey chimed in, since the door was open.
Stacey herself was wearing a sporty-looking zippered tennis polo, which framed her quite nicely, and left just the slightest hint of her stomach exposed over her jeans. The outfit showed off her figure nicely, and was honestly quite flattering. Stacey had always been comfortable in her own skin, and very in tune with her body. The only thing she ever really complained about was that she wished her chest was just a little more generous. She wasn’t flat-chested or anything, and I thought they were fine, but she had it in her head that they should be a bit bigger.
In terms of clothing, her style had always been pretty much just the slightest notch above mine. While I was usually t-shirt and jeans, she was usually a slightly nicer top, and jeans. We were pretty similar in that regard.
Laura on the other hand was just wearing a simple brown hoodie with jeans, her outfit completely unremarkable other than that I would have been completely unable to guess what she’d end up wearing. I’ve seen her in outfits like that, simple t-shirts, dresses, and she’s even gone goth a time or two. I hadn’t yet figured a pattern, and whenever I asked, she’d just respond with something generic about it being comfortable.
Neither of them would understand the current struggle that I was having around my clothing. I didn’t even understand it myself, honestly. They’re just stupid clothes, why did I need to make such a big deal about them?
Then again, a little spicy clothing had gone a long way yesterday.
“Um, yeah, I’m trying something new.” I finally said after I realized that the silence had gone on a little too long. “Erik told me to, and I decided why not.”
“Wait,” Stacey began, and I realized too late what she was honing in on what I’d said. “He TOLD you to wear it? Not asked, told?”
“No, not told. He asked.” I tried to wheel back from my earlier statement, but I was already in too deep.
“Case, I know you better than this. What do you mean he told you?” Stacey’s tone switched back to “Did he threaten you or anything? Wear this or I’ll dump you.”
“No!” I almost shouted, then realized my tone. “No, nothing like that. More just ‘here, wear this’ and he handed it to me, and I did. No threats or anything. Honestly, you’re making a big deal over nothing.”
“And you’re just ok with it? Remember Brian?”
Brian. He’d been my boyfriend back in high school, last year. Or wait, no it was two years ago now. Yeah, I remembered Brian, although I tried to avoid thinking about it when I didn’t need to.
The reason that I remember Brian was that Brian had been a controlling asshole. We’d only been together for about a week, and I still kicked myself for giving it a shot for more than a day. He’d quickly decided that we’d do what he wanted, and only what he wanted. He’d also told me to dress a certain way. Ironically, a lot like the way I was dressed now, but that was beside the point.
“No Stace, it’s nothing like Brian. Erik and I have a good thing. Maybe he was just excited since I seemed willing to try new things or something.” I gave her a stern look. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Ok, well, I guess it’s ok, as long as it wasn’t a threat or anything.” Stacey’s eyes lingered on me for a moment before her expression softened, and I could tell that she was considering everything ok.
There hadn’t been any threat to the way Erik had said it. There didn’t need to be. He’d just told me to, and I had, like a puppy. Hadn’t even questioned.
I shook my head, stopping myself from falling into another of those cycles. One thing at a time.
“Look, it’s fine, all right. He may have phrased it a bit weird, but it wasn’t like that Stace. I wanted to. There’s nothing wrong with trying new things.”
To try and punctuate that this discussion was over, I grabbed my bag and started toward the door, walking out in order to make clear my intentions. Stacey and Laura rushed a bit to catch up, then fell into pace beside me. I slowed a bit to not outdistance them, not wanting them to think I was mad. I just had enough to deal with, relationship-wise, without them poking and prodding. I’d figure out what my willingness to do what Erik told me meant on my own.
“Somebody’s glowing.” Laura looked at me, and cocked her head. “Why were you willing to try new things?” Then she raised one eyebrow suggestively. Damn her perceptiveness.
Picking up on the suggestion, Stacey turned to me and smiled.
“Did you and Erik get at it yesterday? Is that why you’re trying to do what he tells you?” Stacey giggled. “He fucked you submissive or something?”
“Tamed little housecat.” Laura chimed in.
I rolled my eyes. “No, that’s not how it is.” I felt some annoyance flare up at my friend, and wished she’d go back to her earlier concern.
Speeding up my pace, I made for the student center, hoping beyond hope that food would come with another topic to discuss other than my relationships.